Since returning to Nicaragua I have felt a tremendous amount of anxiety and self doubt. Many questions have disturbed my day to day activity.&...
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Since returning to Nicaragua I have felt a tremendous amount of anxiety and self doubt. Many questions have disturbed my day to day activity. Was God really calling me to be here? Where am I going to school next year? Am I going to have a successful ministry? Do I even have a desire to do ministry? Do I have a desire to do anything? It took me until a few days ago to recognize the questions as spiritual warfare. Although I still have some nagging thoughts floating in my head I am combating them with prayer from others and truth from God. A verse that has really pulled me through this week is Jeremiah 29:11. Sunday our team went on a boat tour of the Isletas (Islands) in Lake Nicaragua and we saw some mischievous monkeys climb aboard tourist boats in order to get a snack. I wonder how they are not fat little monkeys with all the traffic that passes by. Sunday night I went to Torre Fuerte and found it difficult to keep myself focused on the message, and during worship I wasn't familiar with any of the songs. Monday was somewhat slow and after the previous night of lethargy in church I was feeling defeated spiritually, physically, and mentally. In the morning I painted chairs with Joann. In the afternoon we had one on ones and I spent time getting to know Caleb Austin over some coffee at Cafe Latino. In the evening we had some worship and the words were coming from my mouth, not my heart. Tuesday our new leader Seth Barnes arrived and we welcomed him in and tried not to overwhelm him with our often times crazy team dynamic. He seems like a knowledgeable, wise, man with impeccable manners that are going to challenge the boys to step up their level of gentility. Seth if you are reading this yes the girls LOVE how polite you are. Some of the group went out to lunch with Seth and I went to lunch with Tana for some discipleship. Then others from our group showed Seth around town while a few of us did ATL. I was paired up with Joe and we went around town and ended up in a cathedral just overlooking the city and spending some time in prayer. Tuesday was a real turnaround from earlier in the week. I just spent some time telling people some of my doubts and anxieties and after prayer I felt at peace. On Wednesday we learned about possible ministry opportunities for these coming months. In the afternoon we spent an hour of solitude praying over the ministries and seeing where we felt called, then we wrote down our top five and gave them to Tana. I wrote down first the resource center for special needs kids second teaching girls how to make jewelry to sell to raise money for young life and make a dollar profit for themselves, third doing a little bible study with the kids that we have met in the community with the trash pick up, fourth feeding programs in the barrios, and fifth going into the prison and doing ministry. Thursday we visited the resource center and it looks like a ministry I am interested in. Yesterday I painted chairs with Sarah and had a chance to pray for someone. It was cool because he was at El Puente and God just put it in my head that I needed to pray for him so I did and then he just was so touched emotionally and asked me later how I knew that he was in need of encouragement. So yesterday was a good time spiritually and I am so glad that I was able to be used by God in that. If this week you could spend some time in prayer please just really asking him to strengthen me. Thanks for reading. Love, Melissa
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